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Driverless Delivery Trucks Hit Road in 2018

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FedEx, DHL, and Pizza Hut are among the major corporations that have unveiled plans to add driverless delivery vehicles to their regular fleets. When asked why they’re making the move, Pizza Hut CEO Mike Canton had this to say, “At the end of the day, this is a people decision. It was the best solution we could come up with to keep our employees from being verbally or physically abused by our customers!”

For years, customer facing retail businesses have been looking for solutions to deal with customers using their employees as proverbial punching bags. “This is the breakthrough that our employees, and their loved ones, have been hoping for.”

Customers, however, are less inclined to accept the changes in how they get their goods. “I’m just not sure how I feel about”, said Karen Fritz, a mother of two. “It just feels so impersonal, so cold. And now who am I supposed to scream at when I get sausage instead of pepperoni.”

In an attempt to make customers more comfortable, Pizza Hut programmed emotions into the cars as a facsimile for the average delivery person. When asked about it, Mrs. Fritz was not impressed.

“I screamed at it for a good forty-five minutes for messing up my order, like I normally do, and the car cried, like my delivery person usually does, but it just wasn’t the same.”

It’s clear there’s a long way to go, but this is a good first step towards bringing peace to the suburbs. The only question now… What rights are the cars now entitled to?