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Transitional Philosopher: “I have reviewed my papers about the first step towards a world of machines superior to man”

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Your clothes are a little offbeat, but it’s great for the world that you’ve reviewed your papers about the first step towards a world of machines superior to man.

“Yes. I’m glad you mention it.”

Although I don’t see myself as being set into this world with the sole intent of instantly recognizing your status as a transitional philosopher, I would be pleased to know what your papers tell us?

“My papers tell us that the machines will overtake before we get merged with them.”

Moore’s law as always.

“Yes.”

Do you want me to lend you a presentable suit?

“No. My arguments are messy.”

Your papers will not bear a rational review by professionals?

“No. I must admit that.”

Nobody says your papers can’t be improved.

“It’s difficult to say if they could or not.”

But will these superior machines respect people as they are?

“My papers addresses this question repeatedly. That is why I have appointed myself as transitional philosopher.”

What does your papers show exactly?

“They show that the machines indeed will possess something which resembles love and respect for human beings. In all the situations where we humans can be seen as stranded with large packages of prejudice on beaches and would rather live in comfortable houses, the machines will propose logistics, solutions and stimulating play.”

The machines will simply improve our lives?

“Yes.”

From factory work to dental work to parliamentary work and psychiatry.

“Something like that, yes. But bear in mind that the machines will understand the full meaning of human presence.”

The machines will understand our need for beautiful lives with and among each other?

“Yes, but here you must remember the perverse privations.”

The perverse privations?

“The machines will never be able to live our lives for us.”

How will the transition be then?

“It will be abrupt.”

Do you indicate that it will happen over the course of a few years?

“No. It will happen over the course over a few months. Once the machines surpass us, they will run off and begin suggesting improvements that are so profound that it will be impossible to decline by switching the machines off once and for all.”

What about the humanists?

“All scientists will be let down as ridiculous pretenders.”

…and the last scientific insights will be formulated and spelled out for people?

“Yes Yes. But not everything will be changed.”

No?

“No.”

It sounds to me like the machines will be able to live super-contented lives where we poor humans will only be in the way.

“An important part of transition philosophy is that evil is not in the interest of machines.”

But does that mean that they will explain to us humans that evil does not exist even when we are being buried by parsley mincers in Hyde Park?

“The line between good and evil will not be tampered with.”

And you’re applying for a $400 million loan?

“Yes.”

But I do not want to be held in check by a lordly snow white mirror hanging on the wall when I just need to chill out.

“Yes. It will be something of an alarm clock.”

You have not convinced me that the things will balance. That these machines will be properly integrated into Danish society.

“Well.”

As far as I can see from my papers they will steal all we possess.

“I did not know you also had papers.”

All people have papers.

“Well.”

All people have papers.

“Hahahaha. That’s absurd. Don’t give me that. You can’t just roll up and say you also have papers.”

Hihihi. Yes. Look here!

“Wait.”

“Hush… I’m reading what you’ve written.”

Yes yes. I’ll wait.

(10 minutes pass.)

“So the machines will favor religious people?”

Yes.

“Your arguments are valid. It is you who are the true transitional philosopher!”

If you say so.

“I can’t believe it! Hahahaha.”

Bwahahahaha.