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An Inquiry from The Readers: Why Can’t You Set Fire to A Single Piece of Wood?

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A reader of The Other Newspaper asks why you can’t set fire to a single piece of firewood.

“Many years ago I was very interested in suction discs. I think the name was well chosen because one sat on my window and I went out into the garden to take a little break from my hobby. Here I tried to set fire to a single piece of firewood but, alas, without any success. The weather was beautiful, but I concluded that it was raining because there was no fire from the firewood. For the rest of the day I met numerous people who tried to convince me that it didn’t rain but that the sun shone from a cloudless sky. In the end I had to press the rain button to make the rain come. When the rain came, the same piece of firewood approached me with a funny little letter. But since then I have not gotten close to the solution. If you at The Other Newspaper can help me answer my question, I would be extremely thrifty.

Professor Gimme Five Jonsson answers:

“When several firewoods are close together, my guess is that a suction emerges that will intensify the oxygen absorption. This suction is a kind of miniexplosion that causes the fires to explode and emit green smoke and festive festoons. Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.”

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Morten Hjerl-Hansen (born 15. June 1973) is a danish blogger born in Copenhagen, Denmark, Europe. I lived for the first 19 years of my life in a liberal-minded, literary and academic home in North Zealand. My mother is a psychiatrist and my father is a chemical engineer. I have two siblings. Throughout childhood, "I invented near-useless things almost every day" and told my siblings "fairy tales" where they themselves were the protagonists. In 1986, I visited Houston in the United States with my family on a stay that spanned three and a half months. I started programming in 1986 and made approx. 20 major projects until I "lost the ability" in 2018. Student from N. Zahles High School 1992. Ry College 1993. Read theology 1993-1994 in Aarhus. Read philosophy 1995-2000 in Linköping, Lund and Copenhagen. Worked as Java programmer 2000 and 2001. Participated in numerous poetry readings in Copenhagen 2002-2007. Got a psychosis in 2007 "which took about 10 years to recover". Married to Else Andersen in 2010 and resides in Asnaes, Denmark. Father in 2014. Has written The Other Newspaper daily in Danish and English daily since 2013.