How can you be so moral as the case, to all appearances, is?
“It requires idleness, lazy movements and constant vigilance. Even a journalist twit like you can learn it.”
How do you do?
“I read big books about honey and other sweet substances.”
But how can you be moral just being by yourself? I would like to know.
“Relaxation means that I come close to something other than myself.”
But that has nothing to do with Christianity.
“It has something to do with all the world’s religions.”
“That’s the whole point.”
Does it have anything to do with all the religions of the world that you drift around feeling high above everyone else?
“No, but if I read directly about sugar, then my concentration reaches its pinnacle.”
You study the perfect. Keep in mind that we are such kind who constantly faff around judging each other. Man is a pretty angry species.
“Just one sec. So now you are starting to propagate ideas about life? I thought it was me who was being interviewed.”
But I just found out that I am more interesting than you.
“You can’t just push me out of the interview. Then you have to write an essay.”
You have to admit that the things I just said are exceptionally sensible and of an excellent calibre.
“I’m certainly not saying they were commonplace or foolish.”
“We agree that you are a bit ahead of me, intellectually. You stand out. This can be seen from the comments you just made. Yes, in fact, I would say that those comments could easily stand alone and you could stand somewhere else, for example behind a screen or a haystack, and the readers would still notice your comments and in a way sense your good intentions, hospitality and benevolence through them.”
Which one of the comments did you like most?
“I think the one where you say that man is a rather angry species is striking and to some extent thought-provoking. Yes, I must admit that although I am engaged in one of the most interesting philosophical conversations I have for a long time had the pleasure of experiencing, I must say that, if I may say so, in the back of my mind I still box with your opinion and try to pull it down over reality, which is very easy for me because it is exceptionally kind, both to the theoretical and the practical aspect of man.”
Don’t you think it’s just a slightly weird generalization over mankind? I’m not backing down or anything because all your praise makes me confused, because I’m, like you, a character made by Morten Hjerl-Hansen and Morten would not allow any of us to resort to negative self-assessment.
“What you say is again unusual and characterizes you with such precision that I must say that while you may be legendary to the common man, I must admit that you are to me, and I cannot say this without a cheering crack in my voice, quite special and incredible. In the future, the mere awareness of your statements will serve as a supportive stick to me. A light. A foldable ladder. A foldable whatever. In short, as a priceless source of consolation. There are some nuances, in my uncritical admiration of you and your gauzy statements and speech acts, that are a little personal and therefore somewhat bizarre if seen from the outside. Actually I must admit, for example over chips and wine in the company of good friends, that I’m almost crazier about the very way you expressed them, your bombastic admonitions to humanity, than their actual meaning. Many people will not be able to understand this but who really cares. Haha.”
Yes. I know exactly what you mean.
“Now we’ve reached a satisfying amount of words.”
(The articles at The Other Newspaper are fictitious. The purpose of The Other Newspaper is to give the public a new, disturbing and humorous reflection of the way we consume news on traditional media and posts on the social media that make the recipient question whether the world needs to change and whether one can live online.)