Rarely have I looked forward to a book more than to Kamper Day’s Heading for Goatburg. I was full of expectation. I was full of questions. I was full of the old desire to open on the first page. I was full of eagerness to look at the words, starting from the first. I was prepared to indulge in sentences of exorbitant value. Heading for Goatburg. Just the title. Was it a ferry and possibly a pier belonging to it? A pier throwing itself into the waves and swimming with the ferry and singing and waving until it returned, exhausted?
Damn it. It was a self-help book disguised as a novel. A self-help book that literally stops in the middle of a sentence, it simply stops on page 33 and becomes an intricate proof that the human brain is not functioning. The proof is presented by a walking Westy Hatting to Dawn Pebster. Every time Dawn protests against Westy’s philosophical monologue, she walks straight into a lamppost.
(Most articles on The Other Newspaper are fictitious. The purpose of The Other Newspaper is to give the public a new, disturbing and humorous reflection of the way we consume news on traditional media and posts on the social media that make the recipient question whether the world needs to change and whether one can live online.)